Well actually it is a cat, a very large cat.
This is Marv, Marvellous Marvin, Marvin McShoes (because he has white feet) AKA Bear.
He is the hugest, stupidist, laziest cat in the whole world.
And this morning he is angry.
So angry that all he can do is lie on his throne (yes, it is actually a throne – gorgeous daughter number 2 bought it) and stick his tongue out.
Now the reason for his angst is that there is no food this morning.
At least there is food, but it is dry cat food, there is no cat meat. This angers him.
I must remember to buy some on the way home this evening for him.
I can’t risk incurring the wrath of Marv. He tends to bite my toes if there is no cat meat.
Marv technically belongs to gorgeous daughter number 2.
I received a text one day a couple of years ago from daughters one and two asking if we could have another kitten (gorgeous daughter number one owns the beautiful, tiny and delicate one known as Fuzz, who is a serial killer in disguise).
Before I could text back and say No, they walked in with Marv. They had already purchased him and had texted me from outside the front door!
Now one of our next door neighbours is a very nice Eastern European lady who we have dubbed ‘The Crazy Cat Lady’.
She has two cats that she constantly talks to. We even watched her reading to them in the garden one day.
She walks them on the little green outside our houses. I think she is afraid they may run off if she’s not there.
Daughter number 2 was given a covered cat litter tray the other day by a colleague at work. Pushed for time, she put it around the side of the house in the path to our and crazy cat lady’s gardens and dashed off to wherever she was going.
When she came back it was gone.
So when Man and I returned from Nottingham last week, the first topic of conversation was how Crazy Cat Lady had nicked our cat litter and I had to go and demand it back.
They were adamant. ‘You are the Muggins,” daughter number 2 informed me, “It is up to you to sort this out”!
Hmmmm, short straw again.
So I put it off for days and then went and knocked and asked Crazy Cat Lady whether she had kindly taken in our cat litter for safekeeping.
“Yes,” she said. “I will wash it and bring it back.”
When she returned it she said she had meant to speak to me about taking it but she wanted to make sure her cats liked it and would use it first.
Irrelevant Mrs Crazy Cat Lady, the litter tray is ours!
Oooops, I’m late. Have to get petrol before I go to work :)